Today's Favorite Picture.

i love love love this picture. i wish someone would do something like this downtown or in midtown. 

What do you miss?

yesterday i asked her what she missed most about me & this is what she said....

"I miss everything, but mostly waking up next to you everyday and not having to worry about leaving." 

& that's when i feel in love with her all over again. xoxo 

Coffee & Smokes

I haven't slept with the faint sounds of you going in & out for your morning coffee & smokes & even though you are a good distance away I can hear the story you're telling before it leaves your lips.

Forever Numb.

also in my moving i found this... & usually i wouldn't post this, but i think it's worth reading and re-writing because i remember feeling it & it shouldn't be lost. i guess i think someone will connect with it & maybe it will hit them in their heart like it hit me. those are the short lines i like to read. the ones where they hit you & you hold onto them forever...

There are so many things i wish i understood. I know people say you should live with no regrets, but i find that hard. It's been 3 years and sometimes when i close my eyes i still hear your voice begging me not to go, asking me to stay, and i turned around and walked out. I let you go, i gave up not only on you, but on us. I've never been the same since that night. It's like it haunts me. It's like i close my eyes and i see your face and for a few quick moments everything stops....and that's when it hits me. That's the moment i regret. I let you slip away. I gave up. That's the moment i stopped feeling, i became forever numb. 

memories.

so i moved out of my house last week. it was hard. i cried a while & packed a while & in the process i found this...

sometimes no matter what you do there are these memories that you just can't forget. You would do anything to make yourself forget or let it go but nothing works. It haunts you when you least expect it. It hurts you to the core. It puts your stomach in knots and awakes you from your sleep. Those are the memories of you that i wish would vanish, that i wish i could erase. How can i recover from that hurt in those moments? How can i make myself run fast enough so that they are no longer here? I wish i could rewind to the moments before they happened, but that's not how life works. Life doesn't work without hurt. 

love.

I want to be...

the book that sleeps beside your bed,
the one you reach for when you cannot find the
backs of your eyes and paint with your own ink
to highlight the sentences that highlighted
something inside you.

I had a dream I was rainfall, but the kind that followed
you around and only fell in your hair.

- Tyler Knott Gregson

life.

i think it's funny how everyone finds the life i lead as strange or how they make certain assumptions of what is right or what should be acceptable. the fact that i am a lesbian that works for a missions along side 20 nuns is my adventure not yours. it's more than my job it's my life and at the end of it i will have to answer for myself not you. my life is not based on what everyone else thinks. i do think its quite humorous that i work with nuns, but i count myself as blessed to have such strong independent women in my life in a time when those types of women are few and far between. i would be lucky to be like them. no i won't take vows of silence or celibacy, but i will vow to stand my ground and walk forward when everyone else has stopped to open their mouths and judge. i've found my passion. what have you found?