Scarfs, note, picture, lost

Being back at moms brings back so many memories...memories that for whatever reason I had forgotten until now. I've been unpacking for a while & mom had brought some boxes down from the attic. I hadn't really brought myself to go through them but I couldn't sleep last night so I sat down in the floor & went through everything. I found a scarf & as I went to put it on it unraveled & a picture of us & a note fell out unto the floor & it said..."you're probably putting this on, it was your favorite scarf, I don't remember it's your favorite but I watched a VHS that I recorded of you getting dressed one night before we went out it was like a dream. You were beautiful & laughing & in some made up accent you threw the scarf around you & said darling this my favorite scarf. There is so much I wish I could remember. I'm sorry I can't remember." You wrote that note 5 years ago & I'm just reading it tonight. My heart literally stopped. It was like a flashback of everything that happened. I will never know the big picture. Why I just found the note or why things happened the way they did. I'm a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. I'm where I am & you are where you are for a reason. Even though we weren't expecting our plans to change they did. We weren't "we" anymore. It's amazing how 2 hours can change everything. I said I wish you would forget everything & my wish came true. You turned left instead of right & in a instance I lost you...

Tired

At some point I'm going to get tired. Tried of waiting, running, trying, sacrificing. Tired of all of it...

Keep inhaling.

You're like the smell of my favorite place. You get trapped in my clothes & my hair & I keep inhaling you because I'm absolutely terrified of forgetting what it feels like to breathe you in...

leaving soon.

i sat there crying. watching the tears stream down my face & make little pools on my desk. i wish i was dreaming. i wish this wasn't happening. not now. not to you. i wish i was some type of hero or magician & could make it stop or disappear. it's 10:30. a.m. on a Thursday & for just a few minuets everything stops. i reevaluate the situation. its like I'm watching different memories in my head. you are still here & a part of me is so broken because i know you will be leaving soon.... 

Today's Favorite Picture.

i love love love this picture. i wish someone would do something like this downtown or in midtown. 

What do you miss?

yesterday i asked her what she missed most about me & this is what she said....

"I miss everything, but mostly waking up next to you everyday and not having to worry about leaving." 

& that's when i feel in love with her all over again. xoxo 

Coffee & Smokes

I haven't slept with the faint sounds of you going in & out for your morning coffee & smokes & even though you are a good distance away I can hear the story you're telling before it leaves your lips.