Snowstorm

its crazy because i don't even know when you became so important to me. It's like watching a snowstorm. You see the flakes falling, but you don't realize how they're adding up. And suddenly everything is covered. All of your little things have added up and you're my snowstorm. 

Ruined

It was you

Can't run away

I can't really function since you left & I keep feeling like I need to leave I need to start over & let you go but no matter how far I run you're there. I'm going to New Orleans soon & it's my favorite city & all I can think about is how you won't be there & how with all my heart I wish you were. 

soundtrack

Bad Dream

its amazing how in the last month i have spent every waking second trying to replace you, trying to understand what it feels like to let you go.i feel completely messed up like i'm not even here. i wake up in the middle of the night with someone next to me & they aren't you & if i ever had a wish for anything i wish i could close my eyes & open them & see you. i wish all of it was just a really bad dream. 

trying to understand...

forever mine.

Your body is a map I know every inch of
and if anyone else
were to kiss me, all they would taste
is your name."

Calm in my Storm

Forgiving.

ill be seeing you...

for the girl i love.

if i could search forever i would never find someone like you. you are enchanting & in most moments you're so fucking perfect it's like you aren't even real at all. you are the heroine to my tragedy & when i find myself lucky enough to be where you are it's like coming home. 

my ray of light.

i miss hearing you talk about how the sun shines through the trees & no matter how many pictures you take it never does it justice. 

Mistakes.

Sometimes we make bad choices, we lie, or we do things that hurt & we can never take those things back. We can only hope that the people who love us realize we made a mistake and that we're human too. Life is really hard, it's unbearable at some points & sometimes you have to let things go, you have to let people you love go because maybe they don't love you enough to understand or stay. Maybe they will never forgive you, but what's important is if you forgive yourself & remember that your mistakes don't define who you are, it's how you recover from them. 

You don't get to Choose

quote.

sometimes you've got to let go of something no matter how hard it hurts. not because you want to but because you have to. & maybe i'll never understand but i want to believe that no matter what we've been through we'll find our way back together. 

Floral Friday

writing you.

i am waiting to write to you. i wish i could just forget. every time i try to write the millions of words i have to say its like my brain shuts down and everything stops. nothing comes out. i hate admitting maybe i was wrong too. maybe none of this would have happened if i did change for you. maybe i have forever to wonder that.

Patios, Backyards & End of Summer Fun

So its getting to be the end of summer, thank god because i'm a crazy fall/winter fan, but that's besides the point. I've been going to tons of little patio & backyard parties as everyone is trying to get in last minute cook outs and all that jazz before they start complaining about it getting too cold. Here are a few of my favorite little places that are just perfect for those types of events. 

Drunk on ideas

Fate

Sometimes you don't know why things are happening. we just have to let go. let go of everything. all the millions of tiny pieces & just hope that some where out there fate will find them & put them all beautifully back together. 

Think of me.

I hope one day you think of me. & I hope you only have good thoughts. I hope when you look at the sky & see the moon that you'll remember I'll be somewhere looking at it too thinking of you wishing you all I was never able to give. 

Missed.

There are things I think I'll always miss. Like my best friend living down the street or hearing my grandpas voice. But out of all these things from this moment on ill miss calling you mine the most. 

Love.

Stressing

Stressing about a lot of things, this week has by far been the hardest week since i can remember. and now i’m ill to top it all off. ive ate tons of take out & my hips look jiggly.  send wishes that i get better. cheers. 

Let down

Sometimes you get tired of fixing things. You get tired of wanting someone to love you the way you love them. You realize that the people you love more than anything will let you down, they'll choose you last & make excuses. You'll be hurt & they won't think twice about hurting you. I wish more than anything life wasn't this way. 

Beach Bum

OMG i leave for the beach in a week & i can't wait! 

So...here's some of my fav beachy pics 

wish you where here....

sometimes i think about us sitting in the car by ourselves that day and how it was so quite. & you looked at me and said this is our last trip together. i just laughed you off because i didn't want to believe you. i didn't want to think about us without you. me without you. & now i'm sitting here planning our next trip and you were right. you aren't here. if i could go back for 2 seconds i wouldn't let you go. i guess that's the hard thing about life, we don't get to make those decisions. i know we'll be leaving soon and part of moving on is doing the things we've always done together without you. & i hate the words "without you". there are so many moments when i wish i had you here. its like a hole or a empty spot and trying to understand that it will never be filled is something i don't want to wrap my mind around. 

So Today....

finding you.

i hope i always find you. i'll find your voice in a crowd or maybe catch your shadow at a glance. i'll smell you or order your favorite food and you'll be there. time is all that separates us. i'm here and you are there & there will never know how lucky it is. 

Favorite Quote

Things aren't the way they seem.

Isn't it amazing how things can change so fucking quick. The people you always thought would be there aren't & the ones you wanted to be perfect aren't that perfect after all. People aren't who you think they are. They turn out to be really shity version of what you wanted them to be. Life can be incredibly fucked up sometimes...

Your name.

She's Perfect

There are millions of tiny things I love about you like how you collect rocks from all over the place & how you have them hid out in random places in your room or how you smoke pot in the house & then freak out 3 hours later because you think it still smells like weed. I love how you smile when people talk about your grandmother & how you always freak out when people look at your feet even though you are perfect as fuck.

Drowning

I wrote this about you. i found it saved on my notes on my phone & being without you this week has reminded me of what that feels like. I'm ok with never feeling like this again....

 i don't know what drowning feels like, but I've heard its the most painful way to die & for some reason when I wake up at night & roll over & you aren't there I'm almost certain it's like drowning & having to keep fighting for air.

Some Fav Quotes for Today