Tuesday, July 31, 2012


i will always being searching for you. even when i don't want to be. i will always be lost without you here & even though i know you cannot be replaced i will always be searching for someone to fill your void. i know i will never find them but for some reason i tell myself that i won't quit searching until i do. i lost you & in losing that i have forever lost myself. 

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Bag Lady Loves


i just can't.

I'm almost positive that i hate skinny people because of you. i hate tiny clothes or music that takes me to where you are. i still keep our things even though looking at them hurts & i don't have the strength to reread your letters because right now when i glance into the drawer they are tucked away in i feel weak. i hate that you hold that power over me & I'm almost assured that where ever you are my memory is not there. 

Thursday, July 5, 2012


i wish i could say that my days without you have been easy. that its been easy for me to walk away from you, to let you let me go for the last time, but these past few weeks haven't passed with ease. i hurt in those moments when i want to feel you. when i want to know you are actually here, instead of pretending your still away and aren't coming back for a while. no matter how much i loved us, we were toxic together. a vicious cycle of amazing adventures, late night make ups, rip your heart out fights, meaningless words, & wasted days. i made myself believe that the cliche, "I'd rather fight with you than make love with anyone else" was real. i wanted to believe it, but the reality is, even though the idea is beautiful, after all the fights we both walk away wounded & scared, there were no feelings of  love in those moments & from those scares & wounds we will never truly recover. i wish it was easy to forget, to just say goodbye knowing that we may never be "we" again. maybe it's not the goodbye that hurts, but the flashbacks that follow...

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

White Rooms


dream of seeing you.

i always thought of what i would say if i could talk to you. would i tell you how hurt i was by the way you just walked away or tell you about all of our adventures that we planed that you missed out on. would i tell you i found someone and i was happy. Maybe id tell you that i dream of seeing you and some days i think i do. but maybe i'm just imaging you there when i'm really in a room full of strangers. They'll never know me the way you did. maybe id just let you go, let you leave without saying a word. maybe without saying anything i had already said enough...

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