Monday, January 21, 2013

I took your ring back yesterday. I sat in the car & just held it in my hand & cried. Not this loud screaming cry just quit tears running down my face. I took it out of the box & rolled it around in my hand & squeezed it so tight before I put it back in the box & shut the lid. I think my heart completely shattered with the sound of the lid shutting. I didn't want to move I felt like the door to the jewelry store was miles away. I looked in the mirror wiped all the runs in my make up alway opened the door & no matter how bad it hurt & how bad I didn't want to I had to let you go....

Maybe we'll be happy

It's amazing how for 2 years everything I've planned, every choice I've made, has been for you. I gave my all in some areas, maybe not in all but I'm human. I'm not perfect. I never could be perfect enough for you. I told you I was's hard to realize that sometimes I'm sorry isn't enough. You will never know how hard walking away was. Is. I still think about you. How you'll be coming back here & I won't be here. I wonder if you'll think of me when you go to our places like I will... You will always be the one thing I wonder about. You will be my "what if" forever. Maybe one day years from now ill see you. Ill hear your voice. Maybe we'll both be where we should be. We'll be happy.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Missing you.

For two seconds when you reached across the table & picked through my left over fajitas I missed us. I missed how you would smell like the night & Cigerettes when you would crawl in bed with me. I had forgotten until this moment.
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